What Have I Been Doing? A Self-Criticism
I have been inactive for a long time. I admit that I’ve been lazy for a while, but I also must say that I’ve been having difficulties with myself. Many of my own plans have not come to fruition. I have been of no use to the cause for more than a year. I have been doing study and research, yes, but too little of these even. I will not make excuses, and I should not make excuses. I am endeavoring to get myself back into shape, back into political action, and back into some semblance of organizing. I have been discussing, or attempting to discuss communist issues in the workplace, as discreetly as possible, befriending managers and coworkers and attempting to move their attitudes in a certain direction. I have been working as an essential worker through the pandemic.
This has afforded me little time, but even my use of that limited time has been decadent and poor. I am no longer a member of FTP for good reason, notably that I contributed nothing to that group in some time. Regardless of personal struggles, I wish to rebuild bridges, start working more with the Marxist revolutionary theory, and engaging with revolutionaries. However, I have been lazy, reliant upon my own privilege. I need to acknowledge that I am not doing what I should have been doing. I will apologize for my long absence, although that, of course, will do nothing. I will be returning to college shortly after an extended leave. I retain the understanding of Marxism that I have had in the past. Meanwhile, I will be publishing an article in the meantime that I had written in May. I continue to engage in study of radical texts, namely Capital, a history book on the Chinese Revolution: The Long March to Power, and then articles and books on the intersection of class, race, and gender, as well as Mao’s teachings.
I am ashamed of my long inactivity and absence. I’ve been attempting to improve myself. This is what must be done. I must begin to once again reach out to radical organizations and support them. I must begin once again to attempt to organize in my community and in the workplace. I have lived somewhat reclusively, not only due to the lock-down, for the past many months, and it is time to begin to break that isolation which was made possible by means of a support structure and class privilege.
Mao said “A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture…it cannot be so refined, so leisurely….A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one class overthrows another.” I have neglected a lot for a long time. I am attempting to work to analyze my own rationale and how I was able to do so (petty bourgeois/colonizer privilege). I have looked critically at myself, and I hope to improve myself through the actions I listed previously. All this academic twaddle aside, my actions are inexcusable. I have significant dedication to study and knowledge. This is one of my strengths, and I have not been using it in the last year or more. I seek improvement, and I need to put in work to achieve it, and this means engagement with revolutionaries and the masses, as I have shown very well that “the masses are the real heroes, while” I myself have proven “childish and ignorant.” I need to “immerse myself with the masses” and so see beyond my privilege as a member of the petty bourgeoisie.
I have, at times, attempted to organize or join in organization against Walmart, my employer. There are many concerns that were unaddressed by management at our particular location along which I might organize. I have simply not done so, telling myself the reason is that I am too busy. However, this is due primarily to a lack of confidence and a lack of willingness to undertake a challenging endeavor. I admit I was averse to challenges, but recent events have inflamed my anger once more, and a deep hatred burns within me against the reactionary currents of our world. And now it burns once more. I’m being too poetic, perhaps. Let’s be straightforward.
The ruling class deserves death and overthrow, and they are sowing the seeds of this overthrow through their current actions. There is little compromise we might carry out. Their wealth and values should be confiscated and redistributed. The government, however, has shown little interest in the will of the people, and will continue to do so. It has little interest in protecting the rights of the colonized, of the downtrodden, of the discriminated against, and never will show interest in doing so. Our current government, as such, should be eradicated.
